Marsofel

Closing up.

nobody@vox.com(Marisa) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:58:59 -0400

So, here's the real reason I believe I haven't been willing to update this thing.

Jon and I broke up for good about two months ago. Believe it or not, I'm not upset -- I haven't felt this good in a long time. Since the time school started, things got really harsh and very difficult. Jon had a really hard time adjusting to college life. It took a toll on me as well -- I just kind of stopped doing things I enjoyed, partially because of adjusting to college, but truly because maintaining that relationship was very draining. It was emotionally pretty rough, so I just threw myself into work and school. Sure, I have a decent GPA to show for it (if you must know: 3.67), but I'm really upset that I didn't document my freshman year. In retrospect, though, it's probably best that I didn't...it would be difficult for me to read. There'd be a lot of anger, and a lot more tears.

This isn't going to be a goodbye -- in fact, it's more of a reacquaintance. I started seeing someone new, and being with him has pretty much been like flipping a lightswitch. I've been drawing and writing a lot more on my own time, and -- you guessed it -- I've been wanting to start blogging again. However, looking over this blog reminds me of how hard I tried to keep a relationship alive that was ultimately so damaging to everything I was and am. I just don't want to use this one anymore -- I want to start fresh. I deserve it, I think.

Scratch that. I know I deserve it.

I will update this post with the new URL once I get some time to configure everything. I'm making a new screen name, new email address, and just starting all over again.

In the words of VOX: [this is good]!

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Honeymoon phase.

nobody@vox.com(Marisa) — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 05:59:46 -0500

MATH 247 (also known as Calculus) and I have a very tense, love-hate relationship. Given the fact that I've been up all night (literally all night) taking coughing up fluids, helping friends with personal problems, and taking care of a sick boyfriend, I'm going to keep this brief.

Reasons why I like Calculus:

1. My professor is awesome. Really, she is.

2. The labs are easy.

3. My professor made me realize how much I liked math in the first place. For those of you who don't know, I was a math whiz as a kid -- I won quite a few tournaments in school and outside of school. When I got into middle school, I got very sick and basically had to learn three years of math based on instinct and a textbook. It made everything after that a lot harder. Add to that a really mean teacher for two years, and I just didn't want to be anywhere near math again.

4. There is, in the academic world, nothing better than taking on a difficult problem and solving it. Do it one day. It's fantastic.

5. I feel this wonderful sense of balance for the first time in college. Taking a math course (that isn't a dumb one: no offense, statiticians) and knowing that I can relate it in some way to language and what I ultimately want to do is pretty nice.

6. It's forcing me to study. I'm flexing mental muscles I forgot I had.

7. It's lighting a fire under my butt to get myself onto a schedule of work -- for reasons which you can see below.

Reasons why I feel Calculus must die a slow, painful death:

1. It's an 8 AM class, four times a week. NO.

2. Prior to this, I hadn't taken a math class in three years.

3. The homework isn't collected, which means I slacked off, didn't do them for unit 1, and got a 68 on the first exam.

4. I got a 68 on the first exam.

5. It's making me realize how much I don't know and don't remember.

6. It will most likely be the class that destroys my GPA.

7. I GOT A 68 ON THE FIRST EXAM HOLY CRAP PANIC ATTACK.

8. Graphing calculators aren't allowed on the exams, but I know I'll need a graphing calculator for damn near every other math course in the CS sequence.

9. ...68. Ouch.

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Sickies.

nobody@vox.com(Marisa) — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 23:41:43 -0500

I now understand why that "in sickness and in health" clause is included in wedding vows: being sick with your significant other SUCKS. Both of us have been on and off sick, and now it's just hit a peak. I have a very weak immune system (due to several factors) -- you name it, I've had it, have it, or will probably catch it in a few weeks. It's illness season on campus: sore throats, stomach viruses, and the flu. Jon got sick first with a bad cold. I caught a cold from him, and it morphed into the OmniCold (patent pending) with Supersore sore throat technology -- I couldn't talk for two days. It's finally getting better, but my voice still breaks every couple of lines when I talk. I took half of the day to rest up, and it did a world of help for me.

Jon, however, is another story. Jon does not get sick -- he had perfect attendance in high school (pretty sure), and he prides himself in being "impervious to illness". He's got the flu, and it's the most horrible sight to be seen. Since he got off from work tonight, I've been taking care of him -- giving him cold rags to put on his head, helping him clean his room, getting food, drinks, and medicine for him, and even preparing a barf bag.

It's a random thought, but here goes: the risk of me getting sick isn't what hurts me the most. It's the fact that he's laying down, in bed, literally two feet away from me right now, and there's basically nothing I can do. He looks like hell. He's shaking, coughing, and he's basically unable to speak. I've been sending emails around to his professors and his boss to make sure he doesn't get behind in class (I'm picking up some of his work), and I'm going with him to the wellness center (think "nurse's office") tomorrow to make sure he's okay.

God, now he's looking over at me. He looks like he's in so much pain. THIS IS KILLING ME. I wish I could just stay in his dorm, make sure he's alright over the night, and bring him something to eat. Unfortunately, he can't/won't eat anything, he's barely drinking any water (I'm forcing him to drink it since I can pretty much tell he has a fever even though we don't have a thermometer), and he's very tough to understand when speaking.

How do you wives/husbands handle this stuff...I've never seen him like this, and it just pains me so much. Thank goodness he won't be at work tomorrow -- once I'm done my shift at 3:30 I can come right down here and check on him.

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Why I suck at updating.

nobody@vox.com(Marisa) — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 01:25:44 -0500

I promised I would start updating on a daily basis, I know. It just feels so weird getting back into it. Since I got into college, I've been overwhelmed with the amount of things I have to do, and frankly, the freedom. Going from having nothing to do for three months and suddenly being shoved into a world of people!, and assignments!, and socializing!, and research! has pretty much left me drained. Something had to go, so it was blogging. No matter how much I think about what to write, it just feels awkward doing it now.

I got onto vox today and noticed an entirely different layout -- I freaked. It's SO DIFFERENT FROM THE LAST TIME I SAW IT. I feel like I've logged onto a new site. It's all so foreign to me.

So...where to start.

I'm officially in what has been called one of the weirdest combinations of majors ever: English and Computer Science. Knowing that this school has the most ridiculous general education requirements ever, in the history of ever (which I will prove to you in a later post -- I promise), I went to talk to the heads of both departments to cross-reference a tentative list of classes I made based on the information provided on each of the departments' websites. The English meeting went pretty well; since I have AP credits that transfer over to English (and the fact that a lot of the school's general education requirements double-count for an English major), my requirements are pretty light: the year of Intro. to Literature Study, followed by seven 300-level courses:

One British/European Literature class that covers a time before 1600
One British/European Literature class that covers a time after 1600
Two American Literature classes
One Non-Western Literature class
Two electives of my choice, as long as they're listed at the 300 level or above.

Pretty nice, especially since I'm already taking a 300-level English elective right now (and loving it, by the way). The meeting with the head of the English department took about eight minutes.

The CS meeting took...a lot longer. We got so much done, though.

One of the reasons why I love people who are naturally inclined for math: they tend to be ridiculously organized. Where the head of the English department simply told me the requirements and checked my AP exams ("Just look at the posters we put in the Academic Center every semester and cross-reference it with this list. That'll keep you up to date for the degree"), Dr. Portier was insanely organized. He had lists of offered courses ready for the next five years, a handy-dandy program on his computer to take all my cares away (pretty much). He figured out the course sequence I needed in relation to my date of graduation, and was really nice about it (seriously: he put me at ease and was quite charming).

However, there was one hiccup in the schedule:

Portier: Why are you in MATH 105 right now?

Me: I thought I needed it to graduate. (The university tells you that you need Statistics to graduate unless you're an education major.)

Portier: Oh, no. You just need a semester of math to meet the core requirement. CS majors have a different statistics class they need to take later in the sequence.

Me: Does that mean I have to take summer courses?

Portier: Well, this schedule works, but I really don't like the idea of you taking some of these courses so late in college. You need to take calculus.

Me: You mean earlier than spring of next year, correct?

Portier: I would like to see you in Calculus now.

Me: Now?

Portier: ...is that a problem?

Me: I...haven't taken a math class in three years. I stopped at Pre-calc.

Portier: OK, then if you're really that skiddish about it, you should take pre-calc. [looks at listings for classes] Oh. We got rid of that offering because no one signed up for it. [looks at me] ...Dr. Butler's a really wonderful professor -- she gives out lots of notes, is very methodical...she'll hold your hand [read: take it now while she's teaching it.]

Me: Alright, but I know I'll need a book. I don't know if the bookstore has any that are used, because I saw how much my book bill was.

Portier: Just wait right here.

He leaves the room, goes to a closet, and brings back the required text for the class. "I'll let you use it on the condition that you drop stat and sign up for calc today. Just don't bust it up or try to resell it, and of course, give it back when you're done." YES SIR, THANK YOU SIR. Those books are 200 dollars! How the heck do they get away with charging this much?!

So, I'm taking Calculus at the wonderful "8 AM and four times a week" time slot. I don't like waking up that early, but he was right -- Dr. Butler is wonderful. Calculus makes sense, and as crazy as it sounds, she's made me realize why I liked math when I was a kid -- there's always a right answer, and there's this great feeling of finally figuring it out and knowing you're right. However, I am petrified of the exam I have in...oh, 6.5 hours.

I'll try to write more often, but now that I have a very early class, I don't really have the option of doing early morning entries, and with work, I'm usually too exhausted to write an evening one. Consider this an anomaly because I just finished about 60% of my work for tomorrow's classes.

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Accentuate the positive.

nobody@vox.com(Marisa) — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 01:56:37 -0500

Edit: This should have been posted last night -- apparently I forgot to change the privacy settings. Sorry guys!

I wanted to wait to write an entry until I had had all of the classes for which I had registered. Well, I took a two-hour hibernation nap this afternoon, so I'm nice and awake even though it's almost 2 AM (I need to get up at 6! What am I doing?).

First off: I love being able to relax until 9 AM. Last semester I had an 8 AM class, and even though it wasn't a tough class, it was just nightmarish. Nobody was really awake, and the professor had a voice that could lull anyone to sleep (not in a bad way; she just had a very calming way of speaking). NEVER AGAIN, I swore. And I got just what I wanted. Those of you who have not yet experienced college: an 8 AM class is vastly different from a 9 AM class. Trust me.

Dr. White's the professor for my 9 AM class - "History of the West: Renaissance to Revolutions". Originally, our professor was going to be Dr. Krysiek, but after the death of one of the Political Science professors, Krysiek went to cover the classes that were left without a teacher. Dr. White's a very mild-mannered man; he obviously likes what he teaches (he started talking about his own historical interests), and he gets extra bonus points for pronouncing my name correctly on sight. He did, however, Italianize my surname (which I corrected). He smiled and just said that it was how it would be pronounced in "the old country".

In terms of materials, it looks like I'm going to enjoy what we're covering. Tests are 50% of our total grade though, so you can bet I'll be studying. My western civilization class last semester was the course that broke my straight A's -- so this one might pose the same threat. Whatever: memorize the names, do the reading, show up. That's all college really is.

The room itself, however, is cramped. I think there's about 30 of us in a very small room. I'm slightly weird about having my own space -- my living arrangement reflects this as well.

Second class of the day was my 380 English course. First off, that school is full of poo. I was told that I was the only freshman enrolled in that class. Next thing I know I see Elise's friend Katie come in.

Katie: Hey! Can I sit with you?

Me: Sure, why not? ...are you in the right room?

Katie: This is "The English Language", right?

Me: Yeah. I was told I was the only freshman in here, though -- for god's sakes, I had to get clearance for this class.

Katie: I didn't. They just let me in.

Katie's in the honors program on campus -- which is great for her, really. But the kids in there get so many perks that it's almost unbelievable (private lounge, days when the cafeteria is theirs for their parents only, they're also allowed to take additional courses at no extra cost). And to get in when you're not an incoming student is rough. I was told that my 3.734 GPA wasn't high enough for entrance. What?

Dr. Hamel is wonderful. I love listening to her speak -- she sounds exactly like Katharine Hepburn. She also knows what's she's doing and for some crazy reason, likes me. The class itself is just humorous -- 50 minutes of making funny noises with your mouth and trying to understand why you sound funny. Although I will admit it conjures up bad memories of speech therapy (I have a slight impediment, even now -- 's' sounds some out as 'sh').

Freshman Seminar is the same as it was last semester. Dr. Long is still awesome, but the class still sucks. He's tailoring the class to his interests in music and society, though, so looking at the syllabus has promised that things will be interesting. An entire day dedicated to Public Enemy? What? I'm still shocked a bit by it.

My other two professors are too sweet for words. One of them has a southern accent which I find absolutely endearing, and the other one has been described by Karen as a "short little ray of sunshine". I'm going to write a little more about why I won't be seeing Professor Jarvis anymore, but Dr. Mitra is...great. I'm one of those people who can just fall in love with how a person speaks -- and this lady is just so eloquent. She came into class early, smiling, ready to go -- and it made me feel good. She was so timid, though -- while going over the syllabus, she apologized for "being mean" to us for not accepting late work, she apologized for having to go over the academic integrity policy (basically, "don't cheat or else"), and she apologized for having so many deadlines. It's your job -- it's fine! Relax!

I've been told she's a harsh grader, which makes me a little nervous. Last semester, I had a professor who, again, I liked -- but she was definitely Anglocentric. When she saw that I was marked as an English major, she would tear into my papers. Jon did better than I did on some assignments, and you know why? She would look at Jon's and think, "he met the requirements" -- 100%. She'd look at mine and start writing comments on them about my word use, style, tone...and mark me down for it. Eventually, it was worth it -- I was only person who got an A on the final term paper -- but if this Lit. class turns into a case of "I-worked-hard-and-only-got-a-B+", I will be very disappointed.

I'm happy, though. The only thing that's keeping me stressed out is this 10 hours of work a week thing. All I want to do when I get back to my room is sleep.

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Preparation is the name of the game.

nobody@vox.com(Marisa) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 10:23:46 -0500

Dr. McKinley, you need to email me back! How am I supposed to know if you want to start tutoring the day classes restart if you don't respond?

I'm not upset, I just get easily upset if I feel like I don't have enough time to prepare for something thoroughly. I haven't had access to a printer over the last month, so I need to type up the kids' worksheets for when I see them next. Also, Bryar's birthday is the 14th, so I really have no idea what's going to happen. Is she going to say "let's aim for next week" because classes have just started (she is a professor, after all), is she going to say that she'd like to make sure Bryar has a nice full day of activities on his 11th birthday? I hate feeling like I have no idea what's going on around me. It's a horrible feeling, especially when you want to make sure you do something well. I want to have a really great setup for Bryar, Nathan, and Arjun the next time I see them. I really miss 'em.

For the most part, I'm packed and ready to leave. I still have some things that are out (laptop, scale, alarm clock) since I won't be leaving until about 4, but it's still really surreal. I do not feel like I've been here for a month. I don't feel like it's the middle of January. I still don't feel like I've lost 10 pounds (hey, a girl can be proud, right?). It's pretty weird to think that I survived out of a suitcase for four weeks, but at least I know I didn't lose anything except maybe like three pairs of socks (which, really, is to be expected). Also: the suitcase is heavy. I can't believe I got it down to the basement.

I'm excited to be heading back where I feel more at home. Sure, seeing my family was nice, but all I did was sleep (I've heard this is common amongst college students -- anyone care to add their own anecdote?). I'll be here again in March, but only for about a week. It's hard for me to think that I'll only be seeing my family in two-week breaks from now until next December...

But my friends are on campus. My jobs -- both as a student and the jobs for which I get paid -- are on campus. All of my stuff is on campus! I can't wait to get back into the swing of it.

It's still weird to think I'll be taking an entirely new set of classes. When I was in high school, classes lasted all year. Now, instead of keeping papers in my notebook until June, my notebook is cleaned out. I still feel almost naked -- like I'm going to walk into class and forget something really important. Again, I hate being unprepared...but man, am I excited about all of this.

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Sports?

nobody@vox.com(Marisa) — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 02:52:44 -0500

I almost did a sport during the fall semester: Rugby. I wasn't a big fan of the other women's sports on campus, and since it was a relatively lesser-known sport, I wanted to try it for the heck of it. Jon made fun of me because he knew exactly how rough and violent it was, but...that's what really drew me to it. I can remember gym class in high school: I would come home completely exhausted, worn out, and loving the fact that. I've been waiting for the fall semester to roll back around so I can dedicate my time to it and have some fun with it.

For those of you who are either curious about it, or are really big fans of rugby, there's a site that offers a rugby podcast amongst other things pertaining to the sport. Right now, I'm using it to watch and read about the teams in other countries -- really, for something that popular, I'm surprised it seems like no one in the US really knows that much about it! Check it out.

this is a sponsored post.

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I'm trying, really.

nobody@vox.com(Marisa) — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 02:23:03 -0500

So, the cable's out over here. I'm about to watch Superbad for the third time (I keep leaving the room to get something -- I still haven't really sat down and watched the whole uncut and unrated (squee!) movie just yet, and I hope to be able to notice everything that's different about it.

I always envied people who could quote movies or notice continuity quirks while watching. It makes me feel a little stupid to admit it, but I am not that meticulous when watching a moive. I wish I was. So far from watching, I've seen an extension of the liquor store scene, but there's no way it was longer than...a minute. The Wikipedia page and the IMDb both say the version I have is longer by three minutes, so we'll see if I catch everything (without giving up and googling it).

Mom's birthday is Wednesday...so she's out right now with a couple of friends, living up the night. I'm so upset...I feel like I wasted all of my time in Baltimore. Not that I enjoy being here, but I really wanted to spend more time with Mom. Tomorrow, she and I will be doing some last-minute shopping. I hope our day will involve some kind of sitting down, talking, relaxing...I really want to talk to her. About anything, really.

Good news, though: I've lost almost 10 pounds since being here. Woo!

Right now, I just want to sleep. I'm catching up with Amy and having random conversations with Justin and Karen -- life is good.

I cannot wait for Sunday afternoon, though. I'll be back on campus at last...

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Check.

nobody@vox.com(Marisa) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 23:43:17 -0500

I admit to having many vices: food, television, shiny objects...however, there's one thing that's managed to slip past my addictive personality: gambling. Jon, however, is a card-playing machine. I'll admit that since he turned 18 (a year ago), I've been a little nervous about him doing something stupid pertaining to money, but then I realize that he's too smart for that -- and a lot of other people are, too.

It amazes me that there are so many resources for things online. There's a site called Pro360.com that provides reviews of darn near every online casino there is (there are some I haven't heard of, and like I said, I've seen Jon play online...for hours). It factors in things such as customer support, payment options, and payout speed. It's very clear-cut and it does factor in user opinions -- on the front page of the site, it has the admin reviews and then next to that, the user reviews. It really gives you an idea of where you're putting your money (even if you are putting some of it up to chance).

I can feel a little bit better now -- mister "I want to participate in the world poker tournament" can practice online with a little bit of a better idea of what to expect.

This is a sponsored post.

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Breathe.

nobody@vox.com(Marisa) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 23:25:00 -0500

I just saw a mouse in the kitchen. I FREAKED OUT, screamed (almost dropping the glass I had in my hand in the process) and ran right back down to the basement. I then went downstairs and, upon looking at one of my accounts, found out I got a credit increase. Oh goodie. Mom is getting a nice gift this year -- if she can stop going to the BAR all the time!

Sorry about the lack of updates, yet again. There really hasn't been much to write about. It's mouse season and we live near a field, so I'm constantly afraid of seeing ANOTHER one of those little critters, so I've been in the basement, which has proven to be the only place that's immune (knock on wood). My books have been purchased, my bags are packed, and really, I'm just ready to go HOME.

I don't know if that's a good thing to say or not, but I don't feel like this building with my family in it is my home anymore. I don't have a room, I've been told I don't live here anymore (my my Mom), and I've basically been thrown out on my ass for "leaving the family". Hey, it doesn't make sense to me, either...I stopped trying to make sense of it years ago.

On Thursday, Chris and I will be visiting the high school together, and I guarantee that we will have stories. I haven't seen Chris in almost a year...I miss him so much.

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